Tomorrow I start my new job at Workman Publishing.

What I really mean is: tomorrow I start my first job. Sure, I’ve had a lot of jobs in the past, but this is my first, real, I-went-to-school-for-this-and-now-I’m-on-my-way job. And it’s scary. Scary, but exciting.

Scary because, in true Adrienne fashion, I keep thinking the worst and over-analyzing the millions of things that could go wrong and/or make me seem unqualified for this job.  Scary because I’m already a little intimidated by my two immediate bosses. Scary because it’s been so long since I’ve worked in an office setting. Scary because I’ve waited so long to use all this schooling and imagined myself in this role so many times that it might turn out to be very anticlimatic.

Exciting because this is it. This is my do-or-die moment. I made it to New York. I found a job. And…that’s about as far ahead as I had thought this thing through.  Ok, so it’s just an entry-level job. But it’s still my first entry-level job, and I had better do a damn good job of it. I need to.

I’ve prepared like it’s my first day back-to-school in junior high. I put a few outfits together (I believe in never choosing until the actual morning of), went through my notes from the interview/application process (I even rewrote them so they would be neater…I’m starting to regress to fifth grade Adrienne, who would tear up an entire piece of homework if I made a mistake–I couldn’t bear the eraser marks), and packed my bag. Here’s what’s inside–just because I love lists:

  • Static-cling spray
  • Hairspray and extra bobby pins/clips (just in case)
  • A new case of Altoids and my travel toothbrush/toothpaste for after lunch/coffee
  • Flats, for the subway ride there and back
  • An extra pair of nylons, just in case
  • My wallet, newly organized and with the addition of my social security card and checkbook, for filling out paperwork
  • Lipstick, Blistex, foundation, hairbrush with mirror
  • My agenda book
  • A copy of 10-Minute-Banagrams for the ride (which we publish, by the way)
  • Snacks, in case I’m hungry before lunch (I was going to pack my lunch but figured I’d need the air by noon/one)
  • Airborne, because I’m fighting off a cold with all my might
  • Tissues & Vicks Vitamin C Drops (” “)
  • Ibuprofen

Sound like a good list? Do you think I’m missing anything? I just wish my cousin Allison were here to do my hair and makeup in the morning! Then it would really be like middle school. 😉

This afternoon, after coming back earlier than I expected from babysitting in New Jersey, I took a three-hour walk through Queens to clear my mind and stock up on the above mentioned items (plus 12-hour Claritin-D –can’t forget that!). It was an absolutely beautiful fall day, so I just kept going along Queens Blvd under the BQE until I could see Manhattan. I visited Doughboy Park, which I read about last week in NFT’s online section of Woodside/Sunnyside, Queens, found the local cinema in Sunnyside ($5 Tuesday nights!), stumbled upon the Woodside Library (closed on the weekends–gotta love the lack of funding for libraries these days), and finally reached the 24-hour CVS I’d heard about (such a breath of fresh air after a month of frequenting Duane Reeds). For some reason, I sang Bob Seger the entire way: Ah, here I am, on the road again, here I am… I stopped to get a manicure (I’ve been biting them again so they’re really short–but at least not embarassing now), a 10-minute chair massage (she said that next time I should book an hour), and a $5 eyebrow threading (God, I love it).

Sometimes, it’s the shallow things in life that give us confidence. I’ve always been a fake-it-’till-you-make-it kind of girl, myself.

Along the way, though, an amazing thing happened: I started to shed some of the insecurities I’d been building up since accepting the job on Friday. I started visualizing myself walking into the office, polished and put together, with a confident-yet-friendly demeanor, and wowing them. I started thinking: I’m going to be the best damn National Sales Assistant they’ve ever seen! I even started smiling back at the creepy Spanish guys who were, in turn, smiling at me (seriously, it’s getting kind of ridiculous–I get hit on even when I’m in work-out clothes and no make-up…that’s just insulting). I’m going to channel what my cousin Lauren introduced to me as the Insentati Method: I will allow good things to come into my life; I can visualize myself being succesful…

Now I just need to hit up my netipot, my Vicks Steam Vaporizer, my nebulizer, and let the Nyquil that I took an hour ago do it’s work…

Wow–what a catch, huh?